Ok, let's start with today's events -- i had been planning that i would participate in goodle code jam for quite some time now -- since last semester -- i had loooked for it but the site was still in progress - i thought i would get informed in my tocoder mailbox -- but apparently that never hapenned ... I got to know today that the registration was over -- it started at 17 june and continued till 17 july and after :( -- so am a bit sad -- but not much -- maybe because the mausam (weather) this morning made me feel good ... but am thinking that what a lazy ass I have been -- even in my fourth year I am unable to take part in the code jam and win something :( -- haven't learned driving -- don't know where I want to land up in life -- I seriously don't know why I am so reluctant to do what I want to do or find out what is fitting for me -- cowardice is not for this short life (and if you make the wrong decisions it will seem like an endless life -- so life's not long or short -- but it's too dumb to make wrong decision or not follow what you dream of, what you want ...). I need to break out and do the things I want to d o -- I don't know how many tiomes I have written this in my previous blogs and still haven't started about it ... I I I want to trek, see beautiful placs, maybe do research but without anyone telling me what to do -- so ms is the only option -- but what does ms have to offer me -- living in the us (or some other place) -- seeing beautiful girls :) (just seeing :( ) -- maybe that's a challenge -- but what after that ???

About adventures -- I wrote in some previous blo i guess that todya i will go find a adventure here only (i guess it was the last blog ...) -- anyways all I can think of now is to follow what's adventurous -- coz everything else seems so dull -- so what to do now -- monotonous life ko no bolne ka hai -- ye subha uthna office aana bore hona gtlak karna dload karna and all that -- and then vaapas jaake indira darshini pe dinner khana -- too boring -- and why is it boring -- coz it's monotonous -- while trekking or something if you eat in some cheap south-indian restaurant you would feel ike a nomad or something that's cool -- btw i saw an episode of man vs wild yeasternight and i liked it (obvioously duh. ) and I don't know -- why is my life going some way where I have to choose between bored and boerd to hell...

What can I do adventourous in a daily life ... I don't know -- ok let's see -- adventure is like a tmprary stage -- like a bubble -- like life itself (?) --DARE TO DO WHAT YOU HAVE NEVER DONE BEFORE -- actually i was planning to make a list everyday or someting of what to do adventourous like type blindly without mistakes ?? or type all my codes with the monitor off ?? and take gre this sem itslef and so on ... but planning takaes the fun out of adventurous .. seriosly .. 

What is adventure --- going to a park - adventure park- like the one vimanyu went -- where your adrenalin pumps up on every ride or your heart beats make you stop even before you attempt a ride -- how is it advengturous -- it doesn't involve risk-- does it have to -- those tings are exciting -- chemically it's adrenalin or something -- but it might come in the category of adventure -- trekking ?? -- risks but not that exciting but relally beautiful scenaries -- contentionsatisfa ction of the heart for the sight seeing and the risky work done to achieve that -- walking ion a short rougt and seeing the beauty -- really cool -- how abuout tjust sight seeing -- well if the climate is good and all -it's cool -- but i guess teh really cool places are where you need to take some risk to get there -- the risk maybve or surely activates soem chemical activity inside of us that makes that trip a lot more exciting -- nothing that the plain sight-seeing can compare itslef to -- is advewnture all about the chemicals that make an impact on our mind's judgement ???

Is adventure something that we mentally/spiritually require to get out of the monotonous schedule the world imposes on us (or is commonway -- we need effort to mkae things otherwise) -- is it that if our life would not have been monotonous the advwentures would not be so sadventourous -- is trekking the same for a person who's lived in the mountains all his life -- did my old guide in bhrigu lake really enjoyu -- or does he everytime he comes there -- well ya sure he does go take bath in the freezing bhrigu lake everytime he goes there and deems places like these holy and all but is the same thing/excitement/enthusiasm/chemical-axcitement in him as is tehere inside of us ??? And the big question -- could life be not monotonous (commonly/individually) ?? More (or most) importantly -- Can I make my life non-monotonous (seriously speaking writhing the word monotonous is monotonous -- every alternate letter is O :) ) and by non-monotonous i do not mean just regular or something -- if I get to do some paper-work today -- some accoutning 2moro and so on -- maybe not regular -- but i would still count it monotonous -- like writing the word monotonous makes me feel -- I can go to beautiful places a lot many tiems and still feel good -- it's not mono... although it's regular ,,, . A regular life can be aas nwe as everday but a life can also be new everday on the surface but mon o.,.. on the inside --- breaking out of yourself -- being free -like zhang ziyi (was rhyming) -- just like they say -- Ramayan feels new everytim you read it -- even if you read teh same thing -- new interpretations ??? just feel fresh(er) ??? Don't know .. Let's take this human body for exxample it's old (well newer cells eertime but ...) but stills some days after taking a bath or something -- it feels so fresh that you fell like conquering the world ... Is adventure freshening of our soul (or some mental form ) ??? Or is it just some chemical action that gives a hit to the mind ... ?????? 

Even if it is some chemical action -- what does it really mean -- some substances flow in out body affecting the working of our mind bla bla bla ... -- if adventure does freshen us what's the harm in calling it the mental food -- as my sir said -- poori duniya is man ko manae ki lye hi to jeeti hai -- we eat food for living -- but what do we live for ?? adventure (mental food ?) 

Well some views I already have on why people live or what people live for -- no purpose or why is tehre -- it's like a straw in a stream of water -- teh straw turns as the water makes it - it rises - it falls -- it has it's adventoures -- and everything -- we are the same -- why am I sitiing in this office -- coz my insti requuires me to -- why am I thinking about taking gre or thinking aobut ms/phd -- why not about making some change in the world -- coz it's the normal thing -- it's the easy thing --it's meandering of the river -- can we make a change ??? in this meandering -- forget changing the whole world -- can I just make a change to my life -- the whole world is too far a goal -- if I can't make a change in my life how can i do something more -- btw yesterday or sometihing I thoughjt of becoming a professor -- coz it was easy and i could teach thing i like and all (what ideal thoughts) -- but to make the students what -- something good -- why don't I become that something good ??? I have a nice company with me right now -- may be I might get a good job but will i be happy -- or will I be happier in some chootiya thing with adventouruos people doing cool things even when i don't have much money ??? Means -- what is adventuer -- what qualifies as adventure -- ok i lost my original train of thought here -- ya making a change in my own life 

It might just be a nice thing that i am at a tirahaa (3-way :) ) or something -- basically at a more where i have to make imprtant decisions in my life -- coz this is wehre i can decide to be what i want to be (and die in doom :) ) or choose out the the "coommon" things whie lead to the "widely beleived" happy/luxurious life -- why do I have to acdept the wide belief -- I can't -- it peels away my layers of life .... -- I just feel like I want to go roller-coaster on my life -- can't take it anymore -- thinkg about the smae nono... life that will be when I have done the courageous deed of alking away from this decision of my life 

A warrior faces the hardships of life. (originated in my mind by thinkhing aobut the peaceful warrior (movie) )

Ya warrior -- in cthd - in dbz -- do I wanna be a warrior --obviously not fighting against the physical enmies as in dbz ( why not cthd? :) ) -- but fighting in life to be what I want -- and boviouslyu not being lost in this fight itslelf -- coz that's like losing the fight itself -- but arent' there preetty cool chances that my life will win over me -- means what am I ?? -- just a mere straw ... my life will just thrash me on a stone so hard that i won't be able to speak a word again ...-- but i can't take this spritual pressure anymore (or boredom if you say so :) ) -- i feel like the pressure inside of me is giong to mkae me burst into pieces and i need to do somethihng now itslef --- i have wasted a lot of my life trying to do things that i don't wanna do -- idling time away coz i "have to" --i am done with thta -- even while typing thas I fell lke AI want to throw this keyborad at something and say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh......

Coming to my actual interest in study -- academics -- as i said i might just do something worth calling a research but ti doln't want someone on my head -- and i can't imagine my life with ersearch if i am doing my job -- frankilyu i can't imagine my life doing a job for the complete remainnig time in my life --k whatever -- ms might only have a good point of getting me a decently salaried job outside india -- but i will still have ato do atleast a year's job in india -- and those 2 years (or one) will be like energetically (studying req enery) wasting my time -- do I want to do that -- I wish i had some easy choice like zhang ziyi -- or is it that i know my choice but that is not a path -- I will have to pave the way ????????????/

Ok -- abrupt ending -- my mind has stoppped working and needs some rest maybe -- or won't start today itslef :) - so here goes the abrupt ending of today's blog-post.

The battle between GRE and CAT

This is a long lived battle isn't it ? Ok here are my thoughts about it -- present ones -- subject to change, ok?

No CAT this year. Mostly yes for gre but don't know for sure and all ... I just don't want to do a job right now ... I just don't feel like it ... it's like settling down and all ... I am not ready ... but you can't beat your own destiny ... I mean it's not like I am giong to get something even if I take GRE, I will mostly have to do some job only ... And even if I get some nice college and all in gre -- will that make me happy or something ? I doubt it ... So where has my life put me right now ... Ther are three doors out there and are labeled as gre cat and naukri but i wanna know more about them ... it's like i want to see a crystal ball which can show me my future depending upon the door I am goin to pick ... and then let me choose ... But what if the crystal ball shows nothing nice in each of them ... Will I not take any of the doors ??? I really want to escape this question(s) right now but I don't think I hbve that choice ... 
Ok what my mind says right now is that do what you want to do ... pursue your dreams ( do I have any of those academic/job dremas ?? - I doubt it ) and try to make my life happy/better . You can't fight your own destiny ... maybe you make the most dumb choices and have the happiest life ever OR maybe you make , actually take, the most precautious steps in your life and still can't make anything of it ... all I know right now is that I don't wanna just live , I wanna do things ... do something .. I don't know what ... I don't know how ... But I have to give it a try ... Accepting life as it is is not what this human mind is for .... Do something or die trying :) I guess dying trying is a lot more better ooption than accepitng the life as it is -- means it's a lto lot more exciting -- worth it isn't it -- but gre/cat/job don't seem nay exciting at all - forget dying for them or anything ... :)

The main concern right now is that meri zindagi ki gaadi ek tirahe (3-way :) ) pe aake khadi ho gayi hai .. and ek raasta jammu jaata hai ... ek kanyakumari .. and ek forida ( :) ) and i don't know where I wnat to go but I have to mkae achoice soon or else I will be at the mercy of my luck to take me places ... Ok.. same decison till now ... ger ka mna hai kyonki shayad mein india se hi bore ho gaya hoon ... and shaysd if I get some ersearch work in some interesting feld I might like it ( although I don't know if algorithms would be an interesting field -- my interest seeem to be changing throughout my life -- it's likke it's completely dynamie (btw , just before writing the last few words , i cam out of a meeting -- i do'nt remembe how long it was but seemed like eternity .. too boring .. and all ... citrix ... well ...whatever ) -- hmm, wehre was I -- ya dynamic choices -- i think gere helps there tooo, I can have more time to think about my life and all -- so now comes the quesition of when to take gre ... should i apply for the colleges right now only ??? means like in november or something -- or next year ? -- i don't know -- but it surely depends upon my score -- if I don't get a good score mostly I will have to do atleast a year's more job -- will I e able to do that one ?? -- anyways ... seems like i have said enough on what i had in mind about gre and cat and now i would like to write some gen crap and all ...

Life is short -- not worth doing things you don't wanna do (and doesn't that make it fun ? - and if it is fun what am I doing here writing my duckh bhari kahani ? :) ) -- so I think I want to go abroad and all -- I don't thin that life would be any worse ( :) ) if i go study somewhere as compared to doing a job in bangalore (oh sorry bengaluru :) ) -- so up for gre -- hona hi tha -- but i don't think the source of happiness is from here (obviously) -- so why is it that I am not happy right now ??? - I don't know but I think I need to be more of myslef -- oh that soulds amazing and all -- I will be more of myslef -- whatever ...; anywayas youo can't fight destiny (or you can die trying :) ) 

Actually life's not that short and all -- just that how i am picturizing it -- a decision you have to lve with the rest of your life -- tha's too ... aaagh ... if life can be good and all - it's not short --it's long enough -- but doing something that life makes you do and all -- even an eternity isn't logng enough -- os go do something when you have the chance ... 

Let's see what I want to do .. Rains .. mountains .. some maths ? .. adventures of sorts -- hmm.. let's do this thing today -- find out different sort of adventures that can be done here in bangalore only :) -- ido n't know -- but seems like life is for adventures only -- i think i should be able to keep my next google id as adventurer.forever :)
To bye for now folks -- am going to either be bored -- or die trying finding an adventure -- coz finding one seems no plausible -- especially when i don't know where to look for and don't have to energy to shoot aroows in the dark ... be energetic thats the first funda for adventure .. but i am lacking it -- let's see how my day goes and all ... :)