here i am at my room ... news... got from home yesterday (sunday) and found my or marks (30), today got assured of no make up in computer networks viva (5%) - don't know if i will get "anything" more than a zero ... , didn't make a aco group (could get a zero in 10% !!!) , got yesterday my || computing and plcc marks also and had my dms exam today and today is also the last day for withdrawing - am yet to decide if to drop || computing or not -- in 2 hours i have to go for the dropping ... also have to do my context analyser (well the parser hasn't been done but i rely on the hope that i would start on the symbol table by today evening .. maybe after collecting plcc papers at 5:15 .. and the part from then onwards seems to scary and i don't think i can do it even in a week let alone a day or one and a half (actually a week seems realistic only after the given actual deadline -- fact stranger than fiction ?!! --- whatever ) but still i am not starting with the assignment coz ... i guess the most important reason is that am fed up of it ... and also did "atleast" one quesiton wrong in the test 2 of dms -- hope of a grade is becoming negligible -- and the third reason is some philosophical kind reason ...

coming to the dms test i thought something -- i thought why i was so @$@$%^^#~ (inexpressible) that i got the alpha^(27-7) wrong which should have been alpha^(26-7) -- and what i thought was --
7 had to be subtracted -- 27 elements are there ((mind has 7-7 match in same (one's) place)) => 27-7
i dont' know if it would have been right if there was some other number than 7 -- i guess i would have subtracted from the same number (ie 27)
second thought ( i kinda imagined a girl going by (in/to her home) giving the dms paper - was happy and when got to know of her "27 error" said "aan" (sad expressing kinda) and was happy again (as if she was unhappy when she said "aan"...)
one more thought -- if this wasn't a paper i would have forgot it -- and i guess i do wrong because i take it too toughly (toughly ?? need to improve my vocablury) and if i would not take it so seriously maybe i could have got a 20 (and even if i did some mistake -- i wouldn't (kinda) care)
one more thing -- this kinda mistake (how much control do we have over them) can do damage (like in this case -- loss of marks) and something of this sort might be in life too -- (fresh thoght just now came) -- maybe it's just luck -- but maybe after giving the paper i want to minimise my doing of these errors -- and am thinking whether doing || computing would be error (such a error or whatever) -- can we minimize such errors -- we can try -- but we can't defeat luck (in context of life -- not marks -- think important (similar to think high or something))

ok things aside ...(btw one more thing - i thought of flipping a coin to resolve the dilemma of || compuitng - if not once (ynot) then best 2 of three or majority in five or something)

ok now all things aside ...
how do i feel ... aha yes chandertal lake .. if we really go there , i think it would be really good ... ((end)) what do i want and will my life take me to the place where i want to go (not place in the physical sense) -- apparently my future life seems bleak and i feel like i want to break out of all this and get a low paying job where my "other life" ie life other than the work can be pretty good (although i am not able to think what the "other life" should be like -- not even in the ideal sense) .... well i should be going to the real world soon but let me write a lot more now in this imaginative world (imagination without visualization ??? ) i am happy to be a child with imagination and would actually like to make them true -- i am unhappy with boring mechanical repetive boring work - which i expect i would be doing in bangalore as ps2 and job as i feel is now the case with plcc assignment -- it is as i just don't unlike that but "hate" that work (and using khalil gibran's quote i should rather be a begger and take alms from the satisfied ones) -- i feel like i could do any other interesting work and i have to take steps in that direction myself -- my life isn't going to do that for me -- i have to that myself -- change the course of the river that is my life) -- also am thinking (just now) what is my life "NOW" afterall - it's nothing and i don't think this is the way that it should be -- i should have something other than "worrying for academics" in my life -- hmm... here in ||computhing we talk about improving qos (quality of service) by multithreading and all but what do we do about the quality of life ??? - i think i want to be a child again and rethink of all those questions that were left unanswered -- "is my perception of things same as yours?" "what i see yellow do you see it as blue (actually "my blue") but were trained to call it yellow (basically is my yellow the same as yours) or even better is the shapes and all that i see same as yours -- or do you "see" in the same sense as i do - do you speak the same language or it just appears to me (and for that matter do you see at all ?) and so on . ... i've heard that children' brain is not hard-wired - it's flexible and more "active" (doln't know if the right word) than an adult's berain - an adlut's brain is -to some extent- hardwired and mroe "passive" so that (or when) he copes with his environment -- i wnat / wish to unwire it all and think freeely not limited by any kind of thing (i just remembered "keep your head wide open" from the bridge of terapethia and am now giong to amrock it ) (leeme listen to it )

ok ending ... (the song is not the blog) ok now what -- i guess i want to be a photographer looking for beautiful places and moments to shoot -- i guess i want to be an adventurer enjoying those places -- but for all that i have to be powerful - powerful not just to lift my life from a living hell but other's not - not just one or two but a lot more -- i don't "want" to be powerfull -- i have to be -- i need to prepare for the war where i will defend my desires , dreams and (dash dash dash) against the super-powerful-monstorous-barbaric-BORING-ruthless-(mass-swallower) army of my prospective future and for being powerful i need to be able to control myself -- i need to be do thing which i want and should do inspite of what laziness wants/tries me to do -- i have to -- so that i be crushed when the army attacks -- and be a loser for the rest of my life -- or if by some miracle -- emerge victorious and move aruound with happiness and my head high as the victor of one of the most important battles of my life -- note that it is the hate of the work that i need to take care of -- and yes there's an easy way out of the war -- surrender to your future - let ur life drag u around -- but i would want to prefer (that is my laziness - i think- could make me take that option) to be crushed of all emothions/desires rather than surrenderr to the @#$@%$-army of the beasts

ok a momen't rest -- and then we shall continue ...

well more than some time passed -- i decided by tosses of coin (coins infact, after the first coin of two showed indian map more than 3 times in my tosses i became suspected , and then again in sumanths -three or more times the map) the fate of || computing - am keeping it and that means that my this semester is going to eat me alive -- one more thing -- i m not giong to surrender to this semester -- be my grade this sem be 6.0 -- infact i think a lot it luck -- u can do a lot of things wrong in ur life and still ... and u might do the best things but still ... well u might say these are lucky cases (lucky here could be bad-lucky or good-lucky) and in "average" (ie most probable) cases u decide ur life -- well i can only say that i don't beleive in probability -- but this doesnt' mean exactly giving up upon things
as a Khalil quote goes :
"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them." -- Khalil Gibran
What i am saying is that we can't control the flow of events - our luck - and in that light i see the above statement as saying what seems to us as joy and what as sorrow as decided by us (not neccessarily consciously) long before we experience them .... ok whatever the meanig is - i m not here for that .... the point is || computing taken -- i have 3 ton of workload and obviously not going to talk about that

i am on linux or else i would have written the following in hindi :
" mana tufaan k aage nahi chalta zor kisika " ( a song )

continuning ...
" majdhar mein naiya dole to majhi paar lagaye
majhi jo naav dooboye , use kaun bachaye "

and someone asked speak to us of adventure and he said :
adventure is a food for our soul -- without it the soul doesn't decay/die or anything but is just passive for man is playing his "role" in this universe -- but with it the soul starts singing and man finds a play in him so amazing that %#$#@ and this feel is what is associated with when the word adventure is heard or thought of -- but this feeling if is pure that is straight from the soul - then the adventure is not just physical -- infact it's mostly spiritual -- empowering -- and in the purest from this play has so much strengh that u can feel the play where no physcial or any other kind of adventure is involved -- this play has the strength to change things but generally avoided for man has play his role in the universe but this role play if accompanined by playing can change a life -- and only a few among the billions are able to handle a lifetime of adventure called play ....

whatever --- coming to the "real world" (ie in comparison to the above paragraph) -- bad luck can "destroy" you (whereas good luck can only "provide" you things/facilites/services , so in some sense bad luck is more powerful than good luck) but what your soul should be is an adventure seeker always , even the bleakest of times:

"I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires."
-- Kahlil Gibran

i don't know y every now and then i keep quoting the same quotes -- i think i know the answer but -- whatever

"Your daily life is your temple and your religion." -- Kahlil Gibran

Ok i guess i will stop here and continue with my "daily ((BORING)) life" -- well i don't think i should think life that -- your thinking affects a lot to your quality of life ( hey i said on improving quality of life and not service - but anyway i don't want to mathematically access/analyze quality of life) and before i finish i want to do/say something great (for i don't think i will do something great after the blog or this semester for that matter) .... hmmm... let's think :
let's go to wikiquote....

"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice." -- Rene Descartes (unsourced)

i guess i couldn't find one ... disappointment -- whatever , anyways i should be going now for i have to and my work here is done

bye bye