Wednesday, March 05, 2008

still stuck at the age old question of whether to do a ms or a job (mba is experiencing a bit of downstream) but this blog isn't about that ...

it's about what i want to do ....
let's start .. with the fact that i haven't done anything yet in my life that i want to do and especially these years in bits have gone almost totally wasted ( although i think i have become more clear on my understanding of what i want to do or something like that and what the world is about and something like that ) (btw dooba dooba rehta hoon gaana is going on and am liking it ... ) ok where were we ?? nothing done especially in the last three years at bits... and what i want to do foremost is "do something" .. do something not necessarily meaningful but something .... make something of myself ... and live .. not like a dream everyday .. experience pain if that what my following life has to offer to me ... but to experience life while am alive ... to experience myself and die with the satisfaction (sorry it won't be any satisfaction) to know that i tried my best to make my life better (i will never know that and i wonder if i will do anything towards that direction)

ok done with the living ... what do i want to do when i am alive ... living in the mountains and enjoying it's beauty is one thing ... bunjee jumping, sky diving, paragliding, hiking, camping, river rafting , something(s) related to ice like skating etc... basically many of the adventure sports ... and i am going to do a software job (most probable option atleast at this stage of my life) and i am stuck wtih question life wheather to do a (software) job or ms or mba -- none of which i wanna do ... and what's the use of earning anyway if that can't make you happy ?? but as if i have any more options ??? (well to be honest i don't know what options i have ,, life is just dragging me along and i am not resisting, just being sad at things left behind ... like a job i would like ... )

ok live and adventure -- pretty much everything i wanna do (goal of my life ?? :) , dream for sure ... coz goal is something you do everything for which i pretty much doubt)... ok is there anything else left ??? lets' append live my life with be myself (and enjoy, btw "life" till now contained "do something" and some extra teeny tiny things maybe)... anything more ... wanna be free (like zhang ziyi's character wanted to be in crouching tiger hidden dragon).. do things which i think are beyond my capability, revolts against the established things and die at an early age ....

and all can do now is picture myself doing some stupid time-consuming, pretting much mechanical, boring, frustrating job in bangalore .... aaaaaagh ... life sucks ... or so i have made it to ... i think the first thing i "have to" astonish myself is in this job area .... my life has to start before this astonishment and "with this" astonishment ... or maybe something of the following sort will be true (the disappointment part as ...)

"the man who spends half his life telling people what's he going to do probably spends the later half telling people why he couldn't do it " -- something like this by someone

maybe i can change the later half of the sentence to " spendingg the later half remorsing about his current status of life and that he couldnt' do what he wanted to do ...)

ok anyway .. let's go to the dream world again (and when coming back , be realistic about the fact that miracles don't happen , they have to be made to happen , and that's just too much work for a lazy ass like me...)

ummm. is there anything left in the dream world by the way ?

wow i found a better version of a khalib gibran quote that knew (was searching for a philosophical quote of his to end this entry of my blog with)

"Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy."
-- Khalil Gibran


No comments: